Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She told me I should be a condom model.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
