You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
