Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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