Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
as a side note pls kill me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
