Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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