just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize