I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
