Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
