She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize