You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
In America we eat man semen.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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