I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
