I wish my penis had an off switch
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
