Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize