I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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