whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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