Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
