I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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