Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
