I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
