he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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