You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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