Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
