I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
