Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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