Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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