I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
try to milk me bitch
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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