so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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