It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
