I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
