xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
