Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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