They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you traded sex for a burrito?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
