i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
