Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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