Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Damn victory sex feels great
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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