I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
