Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
