there's paper in my vomit.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
please don't ironically join a cult
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