I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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