At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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