I smell stomach acid.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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