I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
