Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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