haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
