You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
