You just made me feel so damn special
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
