Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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