thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
