Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
