i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
