He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
