You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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