you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
