I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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