yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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