Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize