You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
