I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
