I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
