been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
