Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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