Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I love you. Go after that dick
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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