I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
