i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
