I'm so fucking centered right now
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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