I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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