Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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