I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
