I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize