We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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