His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I wear drunk well.
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