remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize