Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
