In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
