I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
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